reesesWeb

Kinda dead to the world today.

We are having great fun with our kitty neurologist. On Monday, it was made clear to her that, if Pixel were not able to regain control of her legs, we would consider it enough of a quality-of-life degradation that we would have her put to sleep. The doctor agreed that it was an appropriate decision, and that we would know one way or the other after the steroid treatment.

Yesterday, we started the steroid treatment. 24 hours later, there was no improvement, but the neurologist said that it was a little early, that we would know after about twelve more hours.

She then said we should start the first round of radiation therapy. The nearest oncologist with a linear accelerator agreed to take Pix, and said that she wanted to give our cat a larger initial dose than is usual, with a one-week refractory period before continuing. (Normally, it's once a day for three weeks.) This first burst should demonstrate immediately if it would be worthwhile to continue.

Oh, but when we called to make the appointment, it turns out this oncologist is out of town tomorrow and Friday. Luckily, there is an oncologist with an accelerator in Gaithersburg, MD, and one in North Carolina if that falls through.

Kat and I both got the feeling that we're being sold or conned. We don't care about the money at all, or we would have stopped before this point. (My best estimate is that this has cost about $10k so far, counting medical fees, last-minute airfare, and lost income.) What we care about is someone giving us what may turn out to be false hope. If she's not going to get better, tell us -- don't keep changing the story and saying that the next big test is what will give us insight into how she'll do.

They still don't know what the problem is, and I think it's confusing the neurologist. We know, with as much certainty that anyone ever has, that it's not FIP, which is a bad, bad thing to have. We _think_ with some confidence that it's a tumor. What kind, no one knows. It doesn't appear to be shedding cells, so if it is a cancer tumor, it's probably contained, unless another colony exists somewhere else, but we'd discover that independently, and I'm ok with that.

Pix is a real charmer, though. She's already won over everyone at the hospital, because everyone stops by or gets on the phone to tell us how sweet she is. It kills me that they spend more time with her than I can.

Less catatonic crying today, though. Mostly just "I have nothing in me and someone punched me in the chest with a bowling ball" bawling.

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