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A friend mentioned yesterday that it had been an absurd length of time since he had read any fiction, apart from the Harry Potter books. When I say "absurd", I mean a matter of years, not less than five.

I've always looked upon people who spout "I don't read fiction" as similar to the twits who proclaim "I don't own a television." I.e., the first thing I think is,"Get over yourself, you illiterate douchebag."

You're thinking,"Hey, why are you insulting your buddy?" But I'm not. Parents, especially those with two or three kids, don't really have time to read random books, hoping they'll stumble upon a good one. With fiction, it can be more difficult to find a rewarding book than non-fiction. If you're interested in Napoleon's battle tactics, you can read Clausewitz, and even if it's a bad translation, you're going to learn something; you're going to walk away with something. However, if you read bad fiction, with bad dialog, no character development, and an unsatisfying ending, well, you just wasted money and time. If you have a lot of other demands upon your time, the opportunity cost is an even bigger waste.

On the bright side, if you know someone who reads a lot, you can ask them for recommendations on fiction to read. Fortunately, I read a lot, and I read a lot of fiction, because I have a great appreciation for creations that require a great deal of effort and skill.

I'm going to avoid the typical blogorrhea of new year's resolutions for myself. Suffice it to say that my resolutions are all financial, and that, apart from targets of that type, I'm pretty much perfect. However, I'm more than happy to come up with resolutions for other people. That said, I'm creating this list for a specific person, who has an interest in the absurd and dada very similar to my own, who apparently appreciates the occasional fantasy novel, and doesn't have a huge mountain of available time to spend on books. As such, there are very few long books that must be consumed in a single sitting. There are very few "heavy" books. You won't find very many books that are considered inaccessible -- no Faulkner, Joyce, or Dostoevsky, who is overrated anyway.

What you will find are a bunch of books that you could pick up and read when you have a few hours here and there. Some are silly and light, some are important, but none of them are grueling, and none of them are badly written, at least for their type.

Terry Pratchett would be a very good start to the year. All of his books are very formulaic, but this isn't an issue if you're only reading one or two. In addition, they're enjoyable pulp, and are very easily consumable. There are enough in-jokes to satisfy that part of your brain, and they're a great way to kill a plane flight or a few hours of insomnia. I'd recommend starting with The Color of Magic and then The Light Fantastic, although the reading guides at http://www.ie.lspace.org/books/reading-order-guides/index.html would sort you out just fine.

Haruki Murakami is my favorite find of 2004. I discovered him a little later than I would expect for an author of his magnitude, but the silver lining of this cloud is that I discovered him after he had several books in publication. No waiting around for another book. I'd start with Dance, Dance, Dance, and if you felt like reading more, you can pick up any of his other fiction and have a great read in your hands. I did not like his non-fiction as much, but this isn't a non-fiction list, is it? Zamf liked this as well.

Edward Abbey's The Monkey Wrench Gang is a nice, light, anti-establishment quasi-pro-environment read that's just fun and destructive.

Louis de Bernieres's Senor Vivo And The Coca Lord is one of my top ten favorite books of all time. It has plenty of the incredible and the hilarious. However, it's important to know beforehand that de Bernieres doesn't have a problem killing off characters that he has spent a good amount of effort developing and making likable. I like this about him, and he writes flawless books. He also wrote Captain Corelli's Mandolin, a great book made into a rather flat film.

Terry Goodkind's Wizard's First Rule is the best fantasy book written since 1976. It enabled the author to rationalise an increasingly objectivist series that has migrated more towards the Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged than is strictly warranted by the framework. The second or third books might be readable, but I wouldn't recommend them. I continue to read them as they're published, but the time hasn't really been paid back yet.

Carl Hiaasen's Strip Tease is another in the "great book, bad movie" camp. I picked this book of his just as contrast to the dreadful Demi Moore film more or less based on it. If you're looking for a book in the competitive "bunch of wackos in southern florida" genre, this is a good start.

I almost put Charles Bukowski's Post Office here in a thematic shift, but I realised this book isn't for everyone. Consider it optional. As a nod to Bukowski, though, I'll recommend Celine's Death On The Installment Plan next. It's heavier and a bit of a thematic shift, but it's a great book. Even Kat liked it.

I'd say that Don Delillo is one of the most "important" english language authors of the last twenty years. White Noise is a good place to start with him.

About two years ago or so, you couldn't have a conversation about books without someone bringing up A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. 60% of this book is absolutely brilliant, enough to make it worth reading through the dreck that trails behind it.

Let's go back to science fiction and fantasy, OK? Dune. The most perfect science fiction book ever written. None has excelled it for verisimilitude. It's set within a flawlessly executed future and has so much backstory you can feel it between your toes. As with Shakespeare, there are persistent rumors that the book was written by someone other than the author on the cover. It's definitely a richer work that stands head and shoulders above the rest of Herbert's oeuvre. You might read the second book in the series and not be disappointed. The rest, especially the novels of pre-story by his son, are not worth picking up.

Mahfouz's Midaq Alley is fantastic. I've written about it before.

What is it about some foreign authors who write better in english than most authors for whom it is a native tongue? It's not really that great a mystery -- you focus more on the sound of words when learning a new language, and a paucity of vocabulary creates an economy of prose that native authors tend to avoid -- we like long words that show our mastery of language, rather than paring it down to a minimum. Nabokov's Pnin is perfect and hilarious. After this, you could read Lolita, although I think it's overrated primarily because of its subject matter.

Let's churn through another depressing classic and read Orwell's Down And Out In Paris And London next. Orwell is only a mediocre author at best, but somehow, he produced this absolutely fantastic book.

I was going to put Pynchon's V on the "optional" list with Bukowski, but so much is contained in it that you could read any fifty pages at a stretch, put the book down, and come away enriched. Don't try to extract any thread from the entire book, because you'll just go mad if you try that on the first reading. Read as much of it as you can before losing momentum, then put it aside for a year or two. Come back to it later, read some more, and repeat the whole process. You can have a ten year relationship with this book. If you read it and enjoy it, try Gravity's Rainbow next, then Mason & Dixon, then some of the weaker works like Vineland or The Crying of Lot 49.

Zola. Say it out loud with me. "Zola." Isn't it great? You could walk up behind a woman, say it in a low, quiet tone into her ear, and you'd have to break out the condoms in a jiffy. And guess what, his books are stupid good. I'm rounding out the list with two of his books, La Debacle and L'Assommoir. Both are dark and involve lots of misery and the failure of human character, but it's beautifully written and full of imagery. La Debacle does a great job of making the reader feel as if he's muddy, wet, and tired of a bad war, and L'Assommoir is just pathetic.

Short Stories

I've confined myself so far to longer works. If you're in the mood for short stories, I'd recommend Pushkin (grab a book of his collected prose) who is, pound for pound, the most satisfying short story writer of all time. I'd also take the opportunity to work through some David Foster Wallace, probably Girl With Curious Hair. Need more? Subscribe to McSweeney's like every other person between the ages of 24 and 35.

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